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Freely Say ItTo be accepted, to be understood though I freely say it...
March 16 I am sorryI so hate myself. I hate, hate, hate myself. I scolded my son in front of my sister and secretary. I so hate myself. I should not have done that. It is a very, very, very big mistake. I am sorry, son. March 14 Changing TimesMy son is going to college...
and I am afraid.
Is he ready?
I hope so.
Am I ready?
I've been preparing.
He has been so happy go lucky that I feel gulity I have pampered and taken care of him to much. Now, I am afraid he does not know how to take care of himself. He is so lazy he always sleeps through much of his time in high school. If only he took care of his assignments, his grades would have been better. But now, that is part of the past and we are into the future. I pray to God, please help him have a bright future... March 04 The "Me" quizI got this from The Great Pretender and I found it interesting. So here are my answers too:
1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
I don't like talking on the phone. I prefer answering sms on the cellphone. I do not know why but I really don't like telephone conversations. But I was not like this when I was younger.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I am always, always, always a listener. It takes time before I make my own ideas on a subject matter. I have to hear about it first, on all sides and I have to think about it - sometimes sleep over it before I can say my side. (sometimes it is too late, though)
4. Do you take compliments well? 5. Do you play Sudoku? I am an addict of Sudoku.
6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? I don't think so. I will die of fear of spiders, snakes and creatures of the wilderness.
7. What song are you listening to? I'm not listening to any at this time. 8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes, I did but I did not like it because we had no comfort rooms. It is one thing important to me whenever I sleep outside home. 9. What was your favorite game as a kid? touching ball and hide and seek 10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you?
No 12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? No 13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Pursued
14. Use three words to describe yourself. Intelligent but frustrated and insecure 15. Do any songs make you cry? Yes 16. Are you continuing your education? This is my dream - but due to financial and time and husbandconstraints, it is quite impossible now 17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? air guns only 18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you'd grab? Family, things inside the safe
19. How often do you read books? Not often 20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? More on the future because the past, I cannot undo but I use it to analyze the present. 22.What color are your eyes?
black 23. How tall are you? 5'2" 24. Where is your dream house located? In a small town in Germany 27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes 28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? never been there 30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? I did not go out of the house yet.
31.
32. Do you like mustard? Yes but not so much 33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? I prefer to eat but not so much. too much sleep gives headaches. Actually it depends everyday - whichever I need. but now, I don't want to sleep. 34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Dad
35. How long does it take you in the shower? 10 minutes
36. Can you do the splits? No. I am so stiff
37. What movie do you want to see right now? I do not know yet, I have to check
39. What did you do for New Year's? went out to a restaurant with the family 42. Do you own a camera phone? Yes 44. Was your mom a cheerleader? No. 45. What's the last letter of your middle name? D
46. How many hours of sleep do you get at night? 7 48. Do you like care bears? Yes. I like bears!!!! They are so cute. 49. What do you buy at the movies? Sour cream popcorn and iced tea. 50. Do you know how to play poker? No. 51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Yes. 52. What do you wear to sleep? T shirt and pajamas. 53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? None. 54. How many meals do you eat a day? 3 meals and small snacks in between
56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? No. 58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I like both. 59. Ever been to L.A.? No. 60. Did you eat a cookie today? Not yet. Maybe later. 61. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Yes. 62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? I do not download music. 63. Do you hate chocolate? I love chocolate. 64. What do you and your parents fight about the most? My joining extra-curricular activities in school. 65. Are you a gullible person? Not anymore. 66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No 67. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? IT manager
68. Are you easy to get along with? Yes 69. What is your favorite time of day? Early morning November 01 Let Me BePlease do not be so jealous, just let me be.
I am afraid and uneasy when you try to peek into the possiblities
that I am not being faithful with you
when it is obvious I have wrapped up myself
that nobody notices me anymore
or may maybe notices me and makes a big joke about how i look
Nothing's wrong with me
you are so insecure
let yourself be healed
coz i feel suffocated
my growth has been stunted
i have no air
it is killing me September 14 I want to be free and acceptedI want to be free and accepted,
I want to say my thoughts,
I am avoiding to hurt my loved ones with my feelings towards them
and what I have to say to them
...if I could freely say it
and so my space, you have to listen to me,
the voice that does not really want to hurt but want to be heard
for all you know, you might find wisdom in it
The message that needs no editing,
just communicating
honestly
I could write a diary but nobody reads, nobody listens
I like to toss my thoughts in a bottle and throw it to the sea
Till a wandering soul who has nothing to do picks it up
and reads it
Poor soul, not connected to me
but reads my soul
He is not burdened by knowing me
and needs not to care,
he can toss the bottle again
out to the sea
after reading what I have freely said.
That bottle is this space,
my very own space,
and the sea is the web
to which I throw out my thoughts
In case you have picked the bottle up
do not be burdened by my words,
I have freely said them
and they ought to be thrown back to the sea |
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